-sHiFi Al-

2011-03-11T14:11:00.000+08:00

The Bathroom Horror

So i'm working near the "hookers district" and i really needed the loo so i went the the public toilet at the mall near by. I know its rude to listen to others conversation but the bunch of damn girls spoke as if the whole freaking toilet was a club aint my fault, i was just happy the cubicle didnt stink.

And a girl started the convo : " eh i slept with him last night cause his wife went to her mothers house with the kids, innocent biatch doesnt knw wat she is missing, damn that boy got a booty like *******" kk skip the details. Then her friend asked her why she still seeing the guy cause its like been 2 years and he not divorcing, she said "okay what he gives me all of his attention, and his there for me when i need him, his good with what he does and i like our random dinner besides he says i'm way better than her, see i told you i was good * burst out giggling*". i got out from the cubicle: the curiousity became disgust.

Since when has being cheap counted as "empowerment"?...Hey, I'm all for getting in touch with the "inner goddess" by pole dancing you're way to "new you", but you can't get lobster thermidore out of a can of tuna.You know having a vagina doesn't make it obligatory for you to breed really, get a life.I mean there are lots of single women in the world that have yet to spontaneously combust due to lack of the presence of a penis.

Sleeping around is one thing but sleeping with a man who has kids and a wife is another messed up story why'd you do dat for? its not that your oblivious to the fact that his got a ring on his finger but saying that you want the ring in all the right places? seriously wtf!!

Going to that bathroom was a oh goodness gracious me moment, i mean see alot of them hookers walking around earning a living out of it and mostly are unaware the guy is married. But damn! you knew he was married u think his kids are cute unlike the faggot mother which a.k.a is his wife lah skank. Yea he is in the wrong too but come on put yourself in her shoes would you want some bitch groping your man?

No shame No backbone No friggid spine to realise that the dude just using you for a temp job and your kinda FOC. I mean after 2 years and he hasnt divorced kinda said alot dont you think?

2011-02-07T22:53:00.000+08:00

History kinda brought back that missing SMILE

2011-01-03T20:42:00.000+08:00

Big Bang Bust

"When I was eighteen and I didn't have a boyfriend, I never felt bad about it. Because I figured someday I would. My friends and I had plenty of fun alone. What ruins the fun is the fear that you'll be that way forever"

Today was preetty messed up, i started it off with the crippled indian boy finding my friendster account which is blardy pai seh to the max of anything maxingly possible. haiz takes that mtf to find shit like that. Secretly i would have found it hilarious oh wells i was young and foolish (still tryna find myself kinda shit). I really hope he doesnt find my blog cause that would be another bust.

Another bust : SHit he knows he so damn knows should i hide my face under ultimate damnation = i dont know how to face the world cause they know. OMG and its a freaking conspiracy. haiz thats it, its on with the new.

Thats kinda the policy : once thou knows thy shall have to move on.

In other words never put yourself six feet under their foot with foolish hopes and dreams when you know your cover is blown.

2011-01-02T20:21:00.001+08:00

2011

Improve GPA = step closer to UNIVERSITY
Focus on Studies instead of drama
Take my damn triangle plate off
Get a new car
Plan for daddy 50th next Year
Read : "shit i'm 20 what do i do with my life"
Stop obsessing over Blackbear
Maybe play more sports
Catch Up with my lost frens _haiz_ *miss them*
Wine, Dine And have an awesome Time

Three cheers for the sexy drive for my awesome 2011 ( well hoping for it anyway) :)

Yea Blogs are cheesy its so last century but it sure as hell takes a whole lot of angst moments outta your system!

2010-11-11T22:28:00.000+08:00

TRULLY Amazing

OBJECT OF DESPAIR

(By Fahim Firfiray)

Emma is a lawyer
And so is Aisha too
Colleagues going into court
At circa half past two

Its 1 O'Clock right now
They grab a bite before the trial
They chat about this and that
Conversing with a smile

Aisha is in full hijab
With a loose all over suit
Emma's in her business wear
With accessories taboot

Emma's really quite bemused
At Aisha's godly ways
She looks Aisha in the eyes
And very firmly says

You're a smart girl Aisha
Why do you wear that across your hair?
Subjugated by "man"-kind
An object of despair

Take it off my sister
Let your banner be unfurled
Don't blindly follow all around
DECLARE YOUR FREEDOM TO THE WORLD

Aisha is amazed
But not the least bit shy
She bravely puts her milkshake down
And gives Emma the reply

My dear sister Emma,
Why do you dress the way you do?
The skirt you're wearing round your waist,
Is it really you?

Now that we've sat down
I see you tug it across your thighs,
Do you feel ashamed?
Aware of prying eyes?
I see the way you're sitting,
Both legs joined at the knees,
Who forces you to sit like that?
Do you feel at ease?

I'll tell you who obliges you,
To dress the way you do,
Gucci, Klein, and St. Laurent
All have designs on you!

In the main, its men my friend,
Who dictate the whims of fashion,
Generating all the garb,
To incite the basest passion

"Sex Sells" there is no doubt
But who buys with such great haste,
The answer is likes like you,
Because they want to be embraced...

They want to be accepted,
On a level playing field
Sure, with brain and intellect
But with body parts revealed

Intelligence and reason
Are useful by and by
But if you want to make a mark
Stay appealing to the eye

You claim your skirt is office like
A business dress of sorts
Would we not laugh at Tony Blair?
If he turned up in shorts?

His could be the poshest of pants
Pinstripe from Saville Rowe
But walking round like that my friend
He'd really have to go

Why do you douse yourself in creams
To make your skin so milky?
Why do you rip off all your hair
To keep your body silky?

A simple shower's all you need
To stay respectable and clean
The time and money that you spend
Is really quite obscene

Why do you wake up at dawn,
To apply a firm foundation,
Topped with make up and the like,
In one chaotic combination?

And if you should have to leave the house
Devoid of this routine
Why do you feel insecure
That you should not be seen?
Be free my sister Emma
Escape from your deep mire
Don hijab today my friend
And all Islam's attire
Avoid all those sickly stares
Or whistles from afar
Walk down the street with dignity
Take pride in who you are
Strength lies in anonymity
Be a shadow in the crowd
Until you speak and interact
When your voice will carry loud

You're a smart girl Emma
Wear this across your hair
Don't be subjugated by "man"-kind
An object of despair

To use your very words my friend
Let your banner be unfurled
Don't blindly follow all around
DECLARE YOUR FREEDOM TO THE WORLD

2010-09-05T01:55:00.000+08:00

Penis and Vagina

Excuse my crude title but i've got alot more anger management issues to deal with, couldnt come up with a better way to phrase the boy girl shit lalallaa.

I'm gonna say this yes scream it if i could DAMN IT ARGHHHHHH. Whats the the difference between your damn son and me goodness gracious me! I'm way older than him! He just hit puberty and i'm close to loosing my hormones- age doesnt change shit!

So the SON says: Dad i'm going out, friends place at Ang Mo Kio or somewhere like that, see you later.

Dad says: oh okay Mum sending you?

Son: Not sure should be.

Dad : Okay ( walks away)

Now daughter goes up to him later on that same night and says : Dad can i go study with my frens tmr at school?

Dad : What ?! for what??

Daughter : I need help with my family law subject thought i 'd get some help from friends.

Dad: No No if you want ask them to come over your place. i'll be home anyway. Nonsense

I emphasize the fact that i shitting wanted to get help from my friends but nooooooooooooooooo. Was it so damn difficult to say yea okay sure. Its not like i was going to town or my fren's house OMG OMG OMG its the freaking school. The smelly old boring- like school, the shit is wrong with this !!!

I wanna fuckin study not screw some dude over you know! Mother of all shitness lah. This is so messed up. Frustration really bites on the ass. I'm really tempted to scream BITCHHHHHHHHHes I was born cursed. Cause i dont have a freaking penis. MY manhood cant be used to get what i want! seriously lah gender crisis MUCH!

YEA i get it ,the penis in the family always get the shit they want right? the dating of girls! the party out times with frens! the chance for a boarding school! the fucking freedom!

and i'm stuck with picking up the pieces of my family, planning the birthday parties, taking care of the siblings, making sure household is good shape for the parents, stay home safety kit, no boyfren policy, study close to home bullshit, no going out with frens to pollute your mind nonsense and THE ANTI-FREEDOM dummy. THE LIFE of the vagina's in the family. FML

GETs better everyday: story of the 18 year old socially inactive vagina

2010-08-11T17:34:00.001+08:00

DOO DOO DA

Mi casa u casa bullshit. Alrighty heres the drill : ITS FREAKING study break YAHOOOOOO. Well my life's been a rather tangled knot and alright not so drastic lah. Frustrations so far kept a side. Sadness drama left into a lil box. Yea you know the pull out the emo brakes and hop onto the HAPPY DOO DAA ride kinda thing.

Its kinda been dead, wait not really dead, more of a I know what you did last summer dead, where you feel like the person is dead but its actually quite alive and killing all your friends. Yea thats probably me right now.

Clueless to why i'm lacking the adventure boots and challenging backpack ideal life i preferred. You know the always on a fast track, jumping hoops and playing black jack bullshit. I miss poker damn it. i've been such a whuss playing bejeweled.

Its official i'm turning boring. I'm being too laid back its maddening!!

Thats it : no more daaa daa doo time, gotta crap up to get a job, pull onto the career drive and earn some Yusuf Ishaks babeh!

EIther that or join some lame self-help talks that helps you think about ur future and bullshit ( NAHHH )

2010-07-12T22:41:00.000+08:00

"THE" Convo

Nona : Tomorrow lunch amacaammz?

Shikiz : before contract lec??? bleh ke pe??

Nona : set ah blood, gua ade accounting abes kol 11 ah

Shikiz : gua sampai gitu gua telephone bloods bleh tak??

Nona : takble ah blood, hp gua dah mati ah. lu gi call blood itam bleh?

Shikiz : kmak si blood itam tu, okay lah bleh lah..ape2 gua msg itam..kul 2 gitu? lau lmbat blood gi mkn dlu ah

Shikiz : kull ke pe

Nona : gua ader contract tutorial kol 2 ah. kimak sial

Shikiz : lamak lau gitu blood gi jumpa sblum contract lec dah, tea time leh?

Nona : kalao sempat gua dont mind uh. pape gua msg kae? outzz

Nona : XDD we never spoke of this

Shikiz : ‎:) *sealed lips*

Hhahaha my first ever attempt in speaking the lingo i'd say pretty well done hahaha

( one of the stupid things we could do )....

Lisah A.K.A Nona gosh i miss her shit

Omar A.K.A Itam i cldnt resist adding his shit into the pic

2010-07-06T22:52:00.001+08:00

The girl.....

I wanna be the girl that he talks to his friends about,
I wanna be the girl that always comes first,
I wanna be the girl he never wants to live without,
I wanna be the girl who's hand he's holding,

I wanna be the girl he looks at and smiles and then says to his friends, "That's her, she's the one."

A girl asked a boy if she was pretty. He said no.

Then she asked him he liked her and he said no.

She asked him if he wanted to be with her forever. He said no.

She then asked him if he would cry if she walked away. He again said no.

She had heard too much. She needed to leave. As she walked away........

he grabbed her arm and told her to stay.

He said "You're not pretty, you're beautiful.

I don't like you, I love you.

I don't want to be with you forever, I need to be with you forever, and

I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would die.

2010-06-27T23:49:00.001+08:00

3 becomes 2 + 1

Thought it was an awesome song - Pressure PARAMORE

Reality check i need to see it's time to deal with changes

Tell me where our time went

And if it was time well spent

Just dont let me fall asleep

Feeling empty again

Cause I fear I might break

And I fear I cant take it

Some night I'll lie awake

Feeling empty

I can feel the Pressure

its getting closer now

We're better off without you

I can feel the pressure

its getting closer now

We're better off without you

Now that I'm losing hope
And theres nothing else to show
For all of the days that were spent
carrying away from hope

Somethings I'll never know
And I had to let them go
I'm sitting all alone
Feeling empty

I can feel the pressure
its getting closer now
We're better off without you
I can feel the pressure
its getting closer now
We're better off without you

Without you

Somethings I'll never know
And I had to let them go
Somethings I'll never know
And I had to let them go
But I'm sitting all alone
Feeling empty

I can feel the pressure
its getting closer now
We're better off without you

Feel the pressure
its getting closer now
You're better off without me

2010-06-23T00:05:00.000+08:00

Sista Dear

She is the girl that calls me "Peter" in a really weird british voice

The one that i laugh with about boys

My freaking skank and my whore

The blardy bitch i'd do anything for

She makes me straighten her hair at weird hours

Blardy ass would steal my que when its time to shower

Sometimes that swine makes me late for school

Just to see if her backpack and shoes look cool

Yet the lil annoying things that she does

Like her constant nags and her fuss

Are the ones i miss the most

SO heres your post

LOVE YEA SKANKY

2010-06-20T23:30:00.000+08:00

"the" decision

I've been told to scramble all thoughts of ever wanting a guy who looks like you. They say your characters/personalities are all the same, the ones you hang out with are the ones that will be the death of you. If you need the company well too bad your the only one to blame. So now make the damn decision.

When you are trap in such hatred towards him how do you see a possibility of me being happy? If you say you dont want me to fall then why trip my source of gravity?

Now you want me to do the impossible, break his heart and shatter mine thats what parents are for right? They watch you crumble thinking you'll be better in time. You know right about now i rather be cheated then defeated by the two most important people in my life. I cant believe you'd do this. Threaten to disown me or force me into slavery? so whats my choice? is it really my life then?

2010-06-18T18:28:00.001+08:00

Like theives : Steal your love and leave

He Likes roaming,

I Like Stayin In,

i Like Romancing,

He Like Rolling With Friends,

I'm Too Loyal..,

And Too Focused..,

To Be Losing..,

And Be Hopeless..,

When I Spoke This,

He Rejoiced it,

Said Your Word Get Me Open,

So I Closed It,

Where Your Clothes Is,

I'm Only Lovin' For The Moment.

I've finally made my mind up, sort it through, talk a lil crap too, maybe said somethings that probably made me feel like i was probably just as cheesy as you but i guess it was good to let it out. First fight i've had haha! but hey what the shit it helped me through. Guess your sticking around :)

" You'll start and i'll follow behind, one way or another your still mine " did you have to say that i mean seriously damn! i'm turning gay-er by the moment fuck it.

2010-06-17T15:45:00.001+08:00

" THE Good Guy "

Awesome movie really an eye-opener. Helps confused lil hopeless date-ers to decide if they are really in love with the "one" haha well actually you never really know who the "one" is but you could wish about it i think?? not sure. Its not as cheesy as it looks and makes even the sweet talkers look like faggots

Difference between a phase and love,

Phase : probably when you think the dude couldnt get any sweeter, his like really adorable omg i think i really am falling for him bullshit but when it comes to shit hitting the fence you dont really feel that connection after awhile when your brain starts to think about it. Maybe you thought the ideal guy was good with words but do you miss him so much you dread not being able to see him? AFter the cheesyness is he the one you wanna text or call let alone have a convo with? is it love then or just a phase?

Attraction is a good word, crush well not so, a lil fun under the sun could be one but why cant i seem to describe you. Its like a freaking puzzle. We have fun convos YES, supportive definitely YES, sweet & gentlement -like hell YES, stable and loyal uhhh YES.

Maybe its because it doesnt keep me on my toes, on the edge kinda thing, i dont feel the EMPH factor that crazy ass wowness that gets me feeling like a dizzy dim whit. I think its called chemistry between to people?

Where is the volume , the complexity , the 'dare to be crazy' i'll jump off a roof with you, the adventure, the witty rants and raw emotions gone BOOM feeling? Its missing.... guess i just got swept away with sweetness? i wanted a nice guy hopeleessly sensitive dude but where is the balls of fury feeling?

2010-06-12T15:06:00.000+08:00

Stitch & Pooh

Pooh : 1 4 3

Stitch : cool maths number pattern

Suntec & Esplanade 0h and Marina Awesome places :) nice view, great times boo.
(nightmare on elm street was freaky i swear)

I'd walked into a wall

Probably tripped on my own feet and fall

But then your hand came to sight

Without a word you held me tight

I'd cry in the middle of my sleep

Probably from the cuts that burn deep

But you never wanted to walk away

Hush my darling you'll be okay

He has words of the Mr cheesy

not the dick dates like Mc Squeezy

The kinda that gives a jacket worth smiling for

The sweet surrender that i trully adore (always be my whore) heee

2010-06-11T14:51:00.000+08:00

Girls & Boys

The problem with boys is that they make you think they love you when they don't. The problem with girls are they make you think they don't love you when they really do. Just like how girls would give sex for love and how easily guys spit love for the sex.

Keep eyes sharp dont sell yourself short

2010-06-04T16:27:00.001+08:00

NO not AGAIN!

BA my friends really paint the sexiest picture in my life, yes the sexiest thing i need to make my day loook like a freaking heaven. It gives me so much freaking patience not wanting to kill my own members in the process of doing events. MY HATE List! newly created thanks to the good old chaps that just makes me wanna thank god for patience!

Exco-member who vanishes everytime events gets tough to handle
Me sacrificing arms and legs to ensure numbers are kept even when i stupidly know i cant
Tolerating the shit that organizers spit out in my ear reagarding the performance of a committee member
Feeling so panicky everytime only 2 people turn up out of the four who stated attendance
I get clingy to what i do so much so i dont attend class though i am super weak in that area! i'm failing accounts
Grades has the possibility to drop six feet under
When shit hits the fence! i'm the poop picker!
Its okay to abandon ship (captain jumps over board) Sharifah can handle the crew
oh I need manpower, manpower ,manpower ( sharifah is expected to clap hands and spread arab magic to create people from sand)
"yes thanks i know BA main comm can do it " emails : ( LAST I CHECK BA MAIN-COMM RAN WITH THREE PEOPLE RIGHT )

I think i'm just about ready to pull my WHite FLAg up i bet there are more tolerating people in this earth.

2010-06-03T16:03:00.001+08:00

Confusion my middle name?

Homer: " Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?"

Marge: "Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa."

Lisa: "Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product."

Bart: "You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?"

Homer: "Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning."

Marge: "Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart."

Homer: "Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out."

Marge: "Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said."

Homer: "Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case."

Bart: "Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to."

Homer: "Bart, go to your room."

I've had it with the damn tests its freaking shit. Its like one minute i seriously get what the fuck i'm doing and the next i'm screaming hoLLLy shit! thats not the way the answer suppose to be like. Throughout my accounts paper i confused myself so much so i forgot what the fuck my admin number was and i had to keep looking at my matric card to figure out what the hell i was suppose to write in the admin number blank!

Dont even get me started with MBS, to hell with it!!! first it was the ALICE 2.0 mambo jumbo now its the paper itself with data nonsense and i think something to do with ERP when i figure my life out maybe i'll put in some effort tryna firgure how the whole business crap fits in with the computer crap aites!

2010-05-24T19:41:00.000+08:00

Ma MA Mia Projecto due-lo kill me -o

I had sudden spanish accent rush :) like sugar rush! not sure if it makes sense i just added a l & o at the back of the words. heee sounds spanish ish right? haha who gives a shit. weeeeeeee

I think my family law report rocks socks man! it was freaking 18- 20 pages long though not sure if that was a smart move. hmmph shall keep that down low. so besides that shitty shit shit i havent found my dress for the wedding in KL which is approximately uhhhhh three days time oh my ! oh me! its too fast.

Oh and i think my MBS project was kinda strange, it didnt end up how we expected it to be so i just have one thing to say, ALICE 2.0 you really burn my eyes and my life i wanna stab you so hard in the system your program will force a major shutdown everytime i switch on the computer! k got it out the evil rantings of MBS systems.

I have sociology test on thursday man and next week accounting. i'm still trying to figure out the mbs exam thingy. Its kinda strange the exam format and all haiyo yo oyo yoyoyooo. AND YES contract presentation is tomorrow tomorrow lalallalalalaalalalala. Haiz i dont know lah everything just a little crazy i think i might go to school early like 9 am to catch up on all the things i've been missing due to B.A events. I feel so out of track haiz, i'm really screwed weeeeeeeeeee

2010-05-23T23:11:00.000+08:00

~~Tears~~

I cried today... not because I miss you... or even wanted you... but because I realized I'm gonna be all right without you.

Dont hold on to the fact your were never there, just hold on to the fact you never did care.
Somehow i realised, i never needed your presence, i was really just happy with the sound of our silence

goodbye MR HeartbreaKer......

2010-05-16T01:14:00.002+08:00

How to lose a fren in one convo

Sharifah Syifak Alsri: eh chickies mana civil defence laki kau ke pe? ·

what's with the sudden discussion about mats&minas anyway? Without ME???HAHAH

and btw, your malay language sentence structure sucks

Sharifah Syifak Alsri : marah nampak :)

yeah, you're insulting my race.

Sharifah Syifak Alsri : how did i do dat, they did it themselves i just noticed :)

Sharifah Syifak Alsri : haha lovely just jokes eh chillax :)

a Dying breed. Am proud of it.

EXTRA : Cheers to that!

Sharifah Syifak Alsri : proud dat the population of u guys are dying? but seems like its hitting baby boomers :)

eh, it's not funny anymore okay.

Sharifah Syifak Alsri : ohhhhh my bad :)

EXTRA : Ding ding. End of round 1

So by stupidly feeling cranky about all the issues i had letting it out on a fren of the same race as the reason for my crankyness wasnt exactly the brightest idea i ever had. I guess i gotta face it, now at least i know the heartless part of me fucks the living shit of the people who i care. i guess its something like :

"Sure, love screws everything up. Most stalkers think they’re in love. Mothers who kill their kids talk about how much they love them. Men who beat up their wives, it’s only because they’re so in love. People slowly suffocate each other with love all the time. Love is a weapon we use to hurt the ones we love"

so to the one i've hurt day in and out i trully apologize

for the one who fell into the mess i've made i sympathize

2010-05-13T23:22:00.000+08:00

WEEKY

Yes i know i've been to busy to do anything really, like update my damn blog for chrissake. I'm kinda filled with all this work load that doesnt go anywhere. Firstly business ambassadors hasnt been easy thing to deal with. i mean searching for people to help out for events isnt as simple as what i thought it would be haiyo!!

I feel emotionally drained wohoooo. yes and family law is due next week how nice. Not forgetting managing business systems too. oh yea and i think contract the presentation is also next week i cant really put my finger on what day it is. Crap i think i have a full day event on thurs and morning plus night event on fri 21st shit lah! when to do my stuff. SO many research to do! die die die weeeeeeeee!

Chillax i shall take it easy for now, as i end my boring dreaded post about my unnecessary work load ranting day i just have one thing to say FUCK IT I DONT FUCKING CARE ANYMORRE!!! FUCK IT ALLL I MEAN SERIOUSLY JUST FUCK ALL THAT IS FUCKING FUCKED UP. cranky much...

2010-04-30T00:16:00.000+08:00

Crude poem

While busily doing my contract tutorial an in-genious poem came my way, its really something your mother would shut your eyes from :

Roses are red

Lemons are sour

Open your legs

& give me an hour

Kissing is a habit

Fucking is a game

Guys get all the pleasure

Girls get the pain

10 minutes of pleasure

9 months of pain

A day in hospital

A baby without a name

The baby is a bastard

the mother is a whore

this would never happened

iF THE rubber havdnt Tore

SOmehow its so damn true haiz i couldnt stop laughing but than i started to think.....that shit aint funny if it were to happen to me too!!!!!!!! I aint exactly been lucky with the guys i met, its either a butt fiesta or a chance to get a rack.

2010-04-21T00:09:00.001+08:00

A Week

My first week of year 2 was kinda messed up, alright other than the fact i still had time to hang with Mat & loopy lisah (hoping it still stays that way *tears*)

it was still shit cause things just started to fall apart. Haiz i wont bother running through it. I'm just to disturbed by it. Like hello i'm caught in between a battlefield. When you love them both how is it possible for you to choose which side your standing on. Now its either i ship my arse to Malaysia or stay in singapore. ANd its just shit, i wanna fall apart completely breakdown into billions of tears but i cant. I needed a shoulder but all i had was an empty seat.

Has my world completely gone bananana's ???

Isnt there a small possibility i'd get a say????

Are you going to just let everything go???

Do you expect me to deal with such circumstaances??
Am i suppose to keep faking a smile just so you guys wont feel bad???

2010-04-16T23:32:00.000+08:00

History Girl

I was driving down to KC to fetch Mirah from school and i saw this bunch of KC girls laughing at some dudes at the bus stop and i was like woah standards of an IJ girl really dropped. I mean we used to have our discipline mistress stand at the busstop making sure we didnt mingle with the St P-BOys. Though that was really difficult to control, there was effort to try.. Now its like whenever and whatever to the mingling. WHats the world coming too! * over exaggeration*

And while viewing an ex classmate of mine's photo album I found my retarded KC pics haha

Well i spend my day hanging out with Mat and Gan. I think both of them make a weird combo to hang with hahaha but still very funny. I had fun eventhough we had to do up the law notice board. OH yeah ! Gan doesnt trust my driving yet he feels calm enough to smoke in the ride. Apparently Mat seems to have alot in common wih Gan which is really messed up if ur the only girl hanging with them at that moment.

2010-04-15T22:19:00.003+08:00

Heads Up

I'mma be in a new class, okay i still cant deal with that and its starting on monday, no wait!! monday is family law lecture so i still got my homeys in the lecture hall. STart my first day of year 2 with family law at 11am yipeeeee. OKAY, i wasnt being sarcastic. i think it sounds really exciting!

Back to the class issue, right so i start my Tuesday by meeting my new classmates at officially 1300hrs for Applied Principles Ethical L...i cant remember what it stands for but i have ms charles which isnt such a bummer i guess.

Oh OH YEs my extra subject i managed to get is sociology hehehehe beats marketing! I've been organising my things and thoughts ready for my new school year. HAIz i wonder whats new this year?? By the way i just found out i have ~~overdue~~ books fine to pay sheesh 70cents. I cant even remember what ~~book~~ i took.

Anyways my mind raced with thoughts of his smile and its so cute ahhhhhh this is mental torture. But Mr dude Z is so adorable, okay a very wild dude too but still so freaking hot! I'm like counting down to 27/28/30 MAY that weekend lah where i'm gonna be in KL for some wedding and shit. ~~(Which reminds me i havent found a dress to wear damn it!)~~ Apparently I'm gonna be "kidnapped " * kinky and disturbing way of putting it* but damn it sounds fun i think? Girl's gotta have a lil fun on this crazy adventure :)

2010-04-13T18:46:00.001+08:00

Good enough

ALrighty its kinda weird but i think i'll be alright in 2LO4. I can do it, think positive and just let it smother me with joy. As long as i'm not suffocated or strangled with dead silence i would be okay right? No man who am i kidding, i've got to start round 2 of the drama again!!!!! you've got to be shitting me. The only joy is seeing people who i am sane with in the same class. I havent even check to see if i got sociology, understanding theatre, calculus or french as a CDS. Damn what a start......

I'm gonna miss this moments though :

I guess its good news that i got into Business Ambassadors main comm, just that hmmmmm its still me with new faces to get together with. I mean hanging out with LAw inc was fun but really to get an understanding to their moods and everything was kinda messed up.

I've got a new school year to start would i be ready for it this time?or am i gonna just fly pass it. I've got three business-like subjects this time round plus family & contract law..Haiz I need to pull up my socks but also expect the worse. Bring on the lectures babeh! i should be ready, i hope..

Seeing Khadijah today dancing her lil booty off was so adorable, she is so cuteeee omg it made me miss malay dancing haiz. Those were good times my fren good times. Now i'm into the "Professional world" kinda thing. Well got my hair for that jobscope. Damn whatever happen to the rocker days i feel like my youth is being drained out.

2010-04-13T00:54:00.001+08:00

Ignorance is my new bestfren

I've been trying to ignore as much as i could only to find out its driving me insane. I mean those words keep flooding my pages and the more i see it the more i feel like its hopeless. Things have to chaange and i think its time i saw it for myself.

Change happens every single day even if i pretend not to see whats going on behind my head. Which clearly tells me i need to back off. Receiving the class allocation info might be the push i need, i shouldnt linger to a picture i cant be in. Its not the same and we all see i guess it just took awhile for me.

I should be happy as it is, i did the best i could and i'm glad its going well. I made a move i need not regret because sometimes others being happy is better left for my words to be unsaid.......

2010-04-12T00:09:00.003+08:00

Pile UP

SO there are Stacks and stacks of papers, books and files just glaring at me wondering when the hell i'm gonna take a looksy. I've been dealing with that mess for at least a few weeks but the freaking mountain doesnt seem to wanna be a flat surface again.SO its back to work soon or i might be having a cramp start to my school week.

My weekend was totally burned out with soccer shitties.

I kept getting chainsawed with stupid meaningless questions,
buried over with tons of duties
literally a hit on the face with bimbos

Firstly i realise it must be really sad, how dumb talented players meet bimbos. I wonder how their love story starts. But the bottom line is when people say strictly a party for player it means party for players who actually put on the boots and walk on the field and kick some balls. I know your partners are good with your balls but really was their presence welcomed in the first place? creates unnecessary piles of crap onto the land i walk upon.

I cant believe i spend a weekend with their oh abang! jangan gitu lah nanti i takuuut, alah bang kiter gi duduk sama2 kat situ laaah. B i nak itu leh tak alah i syg u banyak banyak *annoying laughters included*

Its crazy how i just realise that when people keep piling up how they feel about something it eventually gets to them to the extent they crack even when the person didnt do something wrong at that very moment you decide to lash out at them. Funny how bottled up emotions just makes you look sane for a minute and simply looney the next.

Maybe i should start ignoring the reasons for the feelings and pretend the issues isnt around then it might actually help me feel less frustrated with the shit.

2010-04-08T21:49:00.000+08:00

Speedy Express DAy

Mr dude Z comes into the picture "& speaks wank master lingo"
~~Mat orange~~ calls to say whatsup after like three weeks of silence
~~Fiz~~ tried for a hit & run but i gave a "i barely know you" speech and wtf look
~~Chess~~ calls and sudden messages flows nicely
Playa still hanging around like air buddy

5 hits you in a day and your spinning circles twirling with paranoia. OKAY this is a sign? I should stop playing around and focus on what i'm really suppose to be doing. Yes i get it, i'm having too much fun and its sinful really, haiz. time to grow a metal heart and a brain. I'll stick to seriousity with Mr dude and studies pinky promise :) so no more spinning, paranoid feeling isnt as fun as it sounds.

2010-04-07T20:50:00.000+08:00

Adore then complicate

I thought that you looked so damn hot in a grey t-shirt with that ohhh so fabulous hugo boss perfume. You carry a gun and a badge with such arrogance, lock me up and throw away the keys mr officer i wanna be in your cell heheheheh. I was like woahhhh you look so fine like mocha latte would you be mine. Yea going gaga over you was like fun till i realise yea okay maybe your kinda fun isnt my kinda of fun so on with the next. Its really funny how i keep ending up with tug on your ass dude's.

Matter of importance- praise all that is good i have been filling my time with work. Not bad for a holiday. I should have been hanging with the sluts but okay so we might be running out of things to do and places to hang but just chilling with the sluts is really relaxingly fun. Maybe next time bowling or the beach or cycling.

Sadness of my day was facing reality that oh mighty shit SCHOOL STARTING yes my wake up call was from a fren's personal message on msn oh yea and of course my mum who keeps saying "eh school starting soon right? hurry finish with the EUNO company & soccer academy assignments before you stop working" haha she is so funny when she is flustered and demanding toooo sheesh but k lah i shall be her awesome daughter and finish things. SHould clear by the end of next week hehehe.BUmmer really that we are all getting seperated into different classes,

the horrror! who knows i might end up all alone with noone i can click with, my second year in poly would be helllllllll

2010-04-06T20:53:00.000+08:00

It takes more- Jordin sparks

Tell me what happened this time

Made you come back again

I find out only see you when luck deserts you

If this is your idea of happiness

Then let's be clear

Those words of yours ain't working anymore

Cause I'm always giving

Here waiting while you're living

I need a new beginning

Oh I'm not the girl I used to be with you

You think maybe that I'm just so easy

You can come in and out my life like you please

But baby no (uh-oh)

Don't you know it takes more

To keep a girl like me

No more waiting for you to change

Don't you know that you bringing flowers

Won't stop the rain baby no no (uh-oh)

Don't you know it takes more

You're the only one not worth waiting for...................

2010-03-29T19:50:00.000+08:00

Gravity

I think even if i try not to bother about all the things thats happened it somehow comes right back. Like a haunting memory that replays in your mind. Your presence still lingers and it scares me how much i've tried to walk away and end up swirling back into mush in your hands. I'd talk about how i probably be better off having fun being just tucked nicely in this concept of "one night stands" but deep down somewhere in that sissy crappy shit in me knows that i'd like a perfect picture to stand in with you. SO i'd let the world tell me to back away and i do but when its just one on one i keep falling back thinking of me and you.

WHICH really sucks cause i know thats the last thing i need or could have.

I know that you still haven't found you,

And when I wanna stand on my own too
Suddenly you start to show
Signs of what is possible

Then you're back to your ways

And I let me down

Tell me why I keep tryin'a stay around

When all my family

They always telling me

To be through with you

And I know that deep down I'm callin' time on you

Every time I'm ready to leave

Always seem to be

Pullin' in the wrong direction

Divin' in with no protection

Man, you can't keep steerin' me wrong

Pullin' me back

Pullin' me in

Why you pullin' me back

Pullin' me in

Just like gravity

2010-03-27T21:54:00.000+08:00

I LIKE YOU

Please note that when a guy says i like you, dont reply stupidly by saying since when?.....Even if your a HEARTLESS BITCH. Its not very sensible,but if he does really like you i'm hoping they'd close an eye or a whole brain.

Like is such a confusing word its like i wanna be with you but not steady cause i'm not in love so that makes me close to you but not that into you? Its saying definitely maybe. SO what exactly should we do? become closer, make out , start getting serious, throw something at someone, celebrate?? how do you exactly proceed from that simple statement, I LIKE YOU

ANother biggy would be saying oh no were not a couple we're just dating. SO does dating make you someone else's possesion? Is it the proper procedure or sensible to be tying yourself down to just one person? cause dating just means your going out but your still nobody. You havent got the okay i want you to be mine question, your simply going out something like what frens do right? so what the difference between buddies hanging out and dating?

Now i'm wondering, why the hell am i thinking too much into such a no brainer matter than i kinda realised its such standards and terms that people just expects you to know. I'm just wondering why cant anyone give freaking clear directions..

I MEAN COULDNT IT JUST BE A DIRECT,SIMPLE & HONEST STATEMENT

2010-03-24T21:59:00.000+08:00

JUST the holidays

Like woah its the holidays lets sing hooorrays, three cheers for boredom,work and more boredom, hip hip yourself lah faggs.I'm absolutely driving myself nuts day in day out, work to home to work to home. On some occasions its home home home. Lately SIFE been keeping me slightly sane, meeting people & wearing formal clothes in a blazing sunny day. Just the toast to my bbreakfast kinda shit.

Well i cant completely bitch out cause i kinda went for a short trip to Indon land. I think its called batam. Yes land of the hoe's as people might say. Where prostitution keeps getting better with fresh new faces with id's that says their 25 but you could have sworn the prossy looks like your younger sis, NO OFFENCE MIR just generally saying. Not forgetting their billion dollar tranny. NAH you could get better ones in tie- lands.

Bumming around kinda got my trunk filled with junk, haiz i should really start running again. I think i'm feeling too bloated for my liking. ITS either that or i need to stop cramming my hole with goodies. Jeeze i think i rather run than starve or maybe both hahaha yea right like that would ever happen. I scared myself for a moment there

TODAY i met AN ADORABLE FUCKER & i miss my grandmama heeeeee

2010-03-16T01:35:00.001+08:00

DRACULA BITES

Fang marks on my skin

Dracula got the best of me

hell he showered me with sin

and now shame is all i'll see

My weekend was crap, i went to the beach only to get drowned in rain, i think the clouds are tryna purify me for the shit i got myself into. Do you know cheap would be an understatement but i doubt you'd ever care. Once a lonely stranger and another moment you were everywhere. I cant get the scars to heal so i simply act like i never cared. So back to the rain.... at the end i was fortunate enough to be caught in a heavy down pour thrice in a day and when i got home i fell immediately into silence.Cause i had a damn sore throat with a fever. ANd silence was all i needed. A breaking point really cause i needed to scream.

While water flowed against my skin i sat there thinking of all the things i've forgotten about what was said. Mr critical analysis fella though your kinda dead to me cause you ran off to god knows where island but i miss you dearly. Talking about you to a fren reminded me of the life lessons you taught me so damn well, gosh you were my extreme bitch. I havent heard a sound from you but like you say get up, move on, we've still got other messed up days to frown upon.

If you only saw me now, you'll probably laugh till you weep. I've hurt myself again by fangs that sinked in deep..

2010-03-08T22:37:00.000+08:00

JOKE OF MY DAY

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey:

"You say here that your wife is crazy."

Mickey replied:

"No I didn't. I said she is fucking Goofy."

Haha nice one barney :)

So after a wholeday of madness i've come to the decision that maybe i dont wanna go away, i kinda like it here in small dotty land for now, besides the costing is like hell on ice. I want a car first than a uni so i still have lotsa time to screw around with weeeeeeeeeeeee. I kinda feel bad cause if i did go it means my parents probably have a very late retirement period. So consideration my inner me says yes i should stay. Maybe another time eh.......

Today was finally something fun, i needed a break of a season before its back to brain drills maybe i'll try to steal some time to do more fun things more often.

2010-03-08T01:18:00.000+08:00

HOnesty issue

Why cant people be honest about how they feel, i mean being honest is important right? If you dont like my shoes say it dont just stand there looking at me hoping to zap it away with you damn eyes you aint god or superman for that matter.

ARGH if you say your a friend be frank and tell me how you feel, why do people put expectations on each other expecting for them to know how you feel when you dont sincerely tell it to their face. they aint god either. If you say you feel like noone cares when you dont tell people how you feel why in the world do you get upset?

YOur going to meet assholes and bitches who would make use of you on the way but only true friends stay by your side and after all if you still can decide then lets just wait for them to show you. SOmetimes death works as a best solution to really know someone.

Anyways the crazy thing about all this is that i'm caring for nothing cause it seems like if you cant be honest with me then why do i bother about you. I'll stick my head up high and ignore, like i always have. Cause sometimes you put yourself out there and people just climb all over your head, how the hell do you stand strong when your being stepped on, its stupidity.

Funny thing is i never pretended to care but it seems like every move i make you assume i'm fake, the past dont change neither will the future. dont bother i'll be fine

honesty is stilll what i seek,know that silence would be ignorance for the weak.

2010-03-02T17:13:00.002+08:00

POUNDING- Head

Lets start with a simple less violent topic, like love- okay its a rather calm topic i think? HAVE YOU EVER FELT THIS POUNDING FEELING EVERYTIME YOU LOOK AT A SPECIFIC SOMEONE? i think its just a horrible feeling but it gives you a reason to smile sometimes. you know seeing them happy kinda makes me happy. i feel like miss match or something. Its adorable!! it feels different for them i think? I'm not sure what they feel haha. BUT watching them is like watching babies taking their first steps!! its super sweet. Keeps my mind off crap and it gives me hope in a way. Love them amigos

NOw on with the bitch ass , my brains are pounding continuously- i woke up feeling like a drunkard. worst than a hang over feeling cause it seems more of a painful numbness than a blurish feeling. I prefer the blur-ish feeling, damn its like someone screwed my head against a drill or something. Note to self next time buy proper pills to sooth head not the kinda that makes your head want to pull a trigger against it. ARgh!!

before hair destruction

after hair destruction

I miss them chi bai's i need to run, literally away from all of crappy land, all the way to mount happy place !

2010-02-28T11:45:00.000+08:00

KILL TIME

Constant nags can be such a bitch sometimes. I have a month plus to deal with that crap and i dont know how on the f****** planet am i going to hold on without tearing my brains out or screaming bloody murder. One weekend is enough now its 24/7,you've got to be shitting my brains out. I'm sorry, if your reading this and thinking i'm a horrid girl you wish to dis-own.

Besides that its all good eh, just like magic in the air shit.. Anyways i've kinda realise its weird being a middle person. when there was once three amigos now there is only an amigo. I guess cupid had to hit where it had to hit, being happy in one thing, really feeling it after awhile just feels different.

I think i'll being hanging around with orange hair for awhile, it beats geylang or standing in fairytale perfecto land. I wonder if anyones up for any mischief? cause i'm looking for some new shit to pass the time...........

2010-02-24T20:06:00.001+08:00

Time Tick-er

Lets think of suicide she says but really whats the point, if its not meant for you to leave then dont bother holding the gun. You try with the pills and bloody mary's day in and day out just so that you could get real high and wonder what the shit you've been doing wrong? Need i say more.. You screwed your life with a simple disaster now get back on your crazy ride and finish it.

PS: I really liked you & your too blind to see, what seemed awesome was never meant to be

Now on with the next.....

Razors pain you;

rivers are damp;

acids stain you;

and drugs causes cramps.

Guns aren't lawful;

nooses give way;

gas smells awful;

you might as well live for another day.

2010-02-17T21:23:00.001+08:00

Potential Disaster

Potential starts with this guy, specifically out of the ordinary guy, not the usual guys i ever go for seriously! i've never bothered about that species cause i just dont get them and i doubt they understand me. BUT i wanted something new.a really funny fellow cute smile & awesome hair color. Your average dude who sits around and lives each day at a time- no future plans more like i live for one day and wait till its over to start the next. He was very interesting, i like the humour and the learning journey about those kinda dudes but it wwas kinda a total failure. he was just like what i thought he would be. Same shit wrapped in a different colored paper. The first malay guy i've wanted to try to date and he ends up like the typical dude i expected him to be. We cant click... The first communication barrier was the lingo and our damn perspectives. LIKE COULD YOU GET SOME IDEAS AND THINK BEYOND NARROW WALLS. Noone seems to fall under imad's( am saying it, i'm saying his name omg trully missed) standard so far.

MAN DID I MESS MY SHIT UP- mat thinks its hilarious haha By the way i'm so done with them sheesh!

2010-02-03T22:15:00.000+08:00

THE EX- GF/BF SHIT

I'm going to bitch it out, i'm kinda sick of all those damn ex-es who try to ruin the current relationships of their ex partner. The dude/dudette moved on to someone else ...yes it fucking hurts he/she is not with you anymore trust me it can be a serious bitchfest but hey we got to move away from them. Dont pour your tears on their shoulders or try to find any reason to talk to them when its obvious they wanna fuckin move on. If they dump you then it means they dont want you? does that make any perfect sense? yes its hard to fucking deal with it, we all know how that feels but is tagging on really the better choice?

What i dont get is the way we try so hard to hold on to something without realising its not worth our time.
What i cant fucking understand is how much we cry our damn eyeballs out but their staring at someone else.
And why we try so hard to make them look at us the same way they look at another.....

Its damn sad especially if you know he/she is everything you ever want but can never ever HAVE because your just the ex and he/she is with someone else. So dont be the ass that ruins the current relationship your ex is having because seriously, no matter how much you try a NO will always be a NO and a I DONT WANT YOU is always going to be the same feeling.

2010-01-30T22:25:00.000+08:00

Driver Dude

His got the kinda smile that makes your tummy do a flip and pray for mercy everytime his dimples pop up. Can you imagine the torment i feel sitting so very close to something you want so badly but nooooooooo you cant have him. ITs fucking bullshit. Why do we always want something we can never have i mean seriously WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO BUMP INTO A HOTTIE BUT SO DAMN EASY TO SEE THE ANNOYING FAGGOTS EVERY SINGLE DAY OF YOUR HORMONAL LIFE.

I can drive i can drive i wanna sing it out loud lalalalallaa. Yes but my deary missy parents aint planning to get me a wagon to pull my nuts along. I got to wait a year for a car. Haiz.................

Well the eight seater car is very interesting really, Its freaking tormenting to drive but okay lah, i aint fussy,its still a ride. I got my license and i can drive so all you bitches can go and die weeeeeeeeeeeeeee..

ALright so maybe i am feeling a little cranky, after effects of thinking of all the stressful people in my life. Its like little flies i wanna zap away. Or little children that i kick down muahahahahaha. Okay i aint that cruel. Its just a phrase yea..............................................

2010-01-19T20:09:00.000+08:00

Danger

I feel like chicken shit, yes 2 days MC woopy doo! but the horror for goodness sake would someone just tear me into tiny pieces cause it seems way more fun than this crap. My tummy aches to the maximum sia!. I dont give a rat's ass about anything else i just want some tummy peace! let me roll on the floor for all i care damn you tummy damn you! i Cant function, like everytime i wanna do something its like either the tummy or something else gets into the way and i aint even sleeping well.Like so much for a good two days rest,i feel worser than i started.

AND MY MIND THINKS OF YOU AND HOW YOU HELD ONTO MY HAND THE DAY I CRIED IN PAIN.YOU KISSED THE TEARS AWAY AND HELD MY SMILE THE WHOLE DAY.

2010-01-16T21:06:00.000+08:00

MY DAYS

I hung out with my rockers today so technically I had an awesome saturday. SIFE was a blast who knew i could learn so much about business Ethics its actually super fun like beyond crazy but freaking fun. I wanna go LA and change the world damn it. IT takes miracles to change the world but like they say nothing is impossible am i right??????

Then lepak for awhile watching some soccer. Okay it was cool Lisah won an IPOD that looks like Christmas tree color. SOmehow i got the driver dude in my mind today it was really weird and its weirder how everytime i listen to the song Cari Jodoh by Wali i think of him hahaha his cute lah funny too but i aint messing around with someone engaged thats just asking for karma.Laughter is fine weeeeeeeeeeee.

AND lastly manjen party damn it was funny Mat followed haha i bet he had fun meeting my psycho friends. Mat it was much appreciated for ya to follow me!!!!!!!!!!!!! dude i owe ya the beetle hahaha.

I say overall SHA-rocker had her time to party for awhile but i miss my lil bro hahhaa thats nice eh :)

2010-01-15T22:15:00.002+08:00

Sweet Goodbye

Its officially a month since we last said goodbye and this month would have been a year since the day we met, hais its sad how life quickly passes on by without your touch or smile or the fact i could hold on to the phone and hear your joyous laughter boy do i miss that sound.

From the times in Jurong to Bras Basah or Clementi till Bugis, i cant seem to look at those places without thinking of the moments we just sat and talked about all the silly things we could ever do.

Well whatever it is i need to say goodbye

though i'm Without a you i am still an i

I got to see you as a sweet memory
For now i understand we were just like another chapter in history

The smoke that trickle with my breath

The heart aches i puff without a care for my health
I dedicate to you, my once upon a time boo

2010-01-09T18:03:00.000+08:00

the guys in my life

They cry too much when his not around, my dear lovely lil bro isnt in some box. i know they miss him but hello its just five days long. Every word they have to say revolves oh i miss him but its just another day.

To my mother, sister and dad = Alwi will just have fun sports school isnt some military school you dont need a gun. SO i stay strong with a smile on my face telling myself just take it in a stride

Twice he gets up in the night begging for some air. Mother doesnt wake me up for she fears i might be scared. I hear his pants grow slower sometimes and i wonder is it really close to his time. I know i'm already nineteen but its not fair, his still suppose to be around and not up there. Dear daddy hold on tight, i've got the world to see and for you to make it right.

My partner in crime, i need more time
Dont give up, just promise me you'll stay strong

2010-01-04T05:18:00.016+08:00

2010

Wow its been a freaking forever since i posted something well shit just happens and your too tired to do anything else.

Yes ITS 2010 baby! a whole new year, well 2009 was fun but i'm hoping for a new start this year:

one that doesnt involve weird guys
people thinking i'm a whore
Driving license
Cute guys
Single lady's fun
PARTY PARTY PARTY SOME MORE
straight A's ( kinda tough)
10 pounds of the rack hahaha
new skills
Stop pissed drunk moments
I LIKE THE MISS INDEPENDANT kinds style of life :)
WOrk SMart Play hard and party like a retard hahaa
i am going to try to stop missing you

HERES to a new year a new start (cross my fingers and cry, let the bad times finally say goodbye)

2009-12-23T04:21:00.000+08:00

Sleepless

Its 4 plus in the morning and i still cant sleep looks like its another stay up the whole night again. Strange i never thought i could keep myself functioning for more than 24 hours. I cant sleep for nuts.

How can i sleep when i dont feel okay about anything. I'm lost, frustrated,upset, miserable and angry.

I mean how can this just blow up in our faces dude it was one year, i fucking thought you were different. Now i hear more and more about how you were actually unsure and you didnt know what you were doing.DO you know how hurtful that is? to waste one damn year with someone who was supposedly the guy in my life that all this while didnt mean anything he said. ONE YEAR MEANT SHIT TO YOU am i right?

Burn the photos... go ahead

Throw the keychain...screw my time for doing it

forget the moments....it never meant anything to you

LEave me now...i cant see you the same way

Argh! if karma could show how i felt, you learn to treat people with some respect

No your not the same person i saw in jan somehow you've just hurt me further at the end

I exhaust myself by occupying my time just so i wouldnt think of everything thats happened, yea life for you probably is much easier but screw that your lies helped you walk away from misery. Never trust a soul that has no honesty, never fall for the one that takes things so ungratefully.

2009-12-22T16:22:00.000+08:00

Replacements

When someone leaves your life somehow another comes into the picture, you may not see it in an instant but it sure as hell makes a big difference. You view life differently, in another perspective. A WHOLE NEW CHAPTER starts and your back to feeling naive and excited for the new journey with someone new that awaits you.

In TP i learnt that friends in this day and age can be a big bitch to find, competitive level of a volcano i swear i've never seen that kinda shit in sec school days. We wont killl that badly. I THINK.

If your feeling down, the one way to cheer you right back up is having SLutty party friends, haha man they know how to get crazy and enjoy be it drunk with the booze or just simply drunk on anything. They get super hyper and it makes your day haha.

So Mr i think you've got lotsa replacements waiting your way, like lily for example she seems ever so ready to flood your facebook page now that i'm out of the picture. I think i'm gonna leave you two for some fun, i've got some sluts to party with and i think they actually know the meaning of making someone feel happy inside.

CAREFREE & CRAZY is nice combo.

Go ahead get me replaced switch it over with someone that makes your parents happy after all i'm probably the drugged up hippy living life in SIN CITY right. Honestly they have yet to see the damn sins!

2009-12-21T22:57:00.004+08:00

Run Away

For at least a week, i've switched myself out from the world. Its like living cave-man style. My phone had no reception! and its during the holiday with the family. SO its a no COMPUTER, no HANDPHONE, no COMMUNICATIONS WITH FRIENDS or OUTSIDE WORLD, no TELEVISION, no NEWS and mostly no idea whats going on with the world. It was heaven at first until i realise how outcasted i felt.

Man it was like woah is this how it feels to be dead, when you pull your existence away from the rest of the world?and all this while i wondered if he missed me at all, did anyone miss me? its like if I DIE will i be missed kinda thing. Its just me & family, me & more family members travelling like there aint no tomorow. We had some awesome fun and i learned alot of family traits that skipped my inheritence genes.

Cooking really well ( i failed home econs practical man)

Survival skills when there isnt any food around

Waking up before dawn ( wake up before the sun rise every day )

Sleeping for 4 hours and still feel so freaking fresh

Driving late at night in complete darkness

Malay jokes

Figuring out damn riddles

Playing Pool

Good singing

Joking around with random people

telling really good jokes (obsessing on the jokes area, damn they can really make people laugh )

We might be different in so many ways but damn we are one crazy asss family.

Through the shits and giggles, only the loyal ones stick by you and in this world, thats a difficult thing to find so if you do find that bunch of retards that sticks to you, then you know you've found treasures amongst the dirty ass stones.

2009-12-12T02:01:00.000+08:00

Heart - aches

After everything that i've been through, i never expected to be used.
While i was falling, you were trying something new
Its just so unbelieveable to see!
How could you ever do that to me?

I cant even begin to figure out my feelings
Its jumbled into so many emotions
I'm barely even breathing
Deep down everything is just broken

This is a stab to my whole self human,heart & soul
How could you treat someone with such malice and act so damn cold
I'm not a tester for some fun
Right now i'm the broken hearted girl, holding a suicidal gun

Thanks for caring............

2009-12-11T23:45:00.001+08:00

Excuses

we all want need excuses to deny ourselves from the truth, like when we feel hurt, we blame our sissy - like character or confusion.Its the easiest way out from admitting the truth. THAT WE ARE GENERALLY AFFECTED AND WE FEEL SUPER SAD

i have a sudden increase in break-outs seriously out of no where and i am not sure how it happens. Super disturbing really cause its making me feel frustrated even more. Now i'm in pain again so ending off like now shit shit shit. can cramps get anymore shitttier, i better not say anymore somehow i think i this hell ride has just begun. I have lots more things to face and i dont know if faith can keep me moving on.

Excited for tmr YAY oh oh and sunday of course, it will cheer me up,come on bunch of drinking people nonsense is always fun hahahaha

2009-12-09T15:01:00.001+08:00

Differences Between Me & You

You know having the one you love break up with you then tellling you there is still hope to be just friends feels like your mum telling you your favourite pet just died and saying you can keep it. Haiz the world still has to move one well i should try to right? One more paper to go and tons of projects to finish.

I think i might fail econs really really badly.It sucks actually i suck at econs never got the hang of it but not giving up man i want A's. EXCITED FOR THE WEEKEND FUN !!!!

2009-12-08T04:19:00.000+08:00

Insert title on your own, go figure or guess it- that happens at the end of the day.People come up with judgemental remarks about your life. Why bother being who you are cause you get outcasted if your bred without a GOLDEN STAR . Strange really how two people can be so similar yet one gets outcasted from the rest while the other fits in with society.

Differences causes character changes to actually happen

if we could ever look at everything in a big picture, why should we look at each other differently? when we get poked with a knife dont we still bleed.

Shame a girl by slandering her purity,

and the flames from hell questions your morality

Take advantage of the respect she gave, for that made her weak

and now the sins will be solely yours to keep

2009-12-07T23:10:00.002+08:00

Endless tears before my sleep

I must be stupid
Must be crazy
Must be out of my mind
Now in the cold light of the day I realize...

Mirror, Mirror hanging on the wall,
You don't have to tell me,

Who's the biggest fool of all.

Mirror, Mirror I wish you could lie to me.
And bring my baby back,Bring my baby back to me.

If only wishes could be dreams, And all my dreams could come true.

There would be two of us standing here in front of you.

If you could show me that someone that I used to be.

Bring back my baby back, my baby back to me

2009-12-05T21:17:00.000+08:00

TALK ON, KEEP SAYING

There is a point in life when you get so blardy tired of chasing everyone, trying to fix pratically everything and working so damn hard to achieve it.But its not giving up. Its just realising that sometimes we dont need certain people or their huge amounts of crap.

So let them go,walk on by and if they ever make you feel inferior for your decision to leave and insult your mind, tell them to stick their failure right up their ass where the sun dont shine cause u've got your success so sucker now kiss my damn behind.

OH man exams in two days time and econs isnt the kinda paper you wanna wake up on a monday morning to do

2009-12-04T23:46:00.000+08:00

SO DISLOYALTY EQUAL TO NO TIME?

I'm gonna ignore the fact you questioned my loyalty and commitment, i'm gonna turn a deaf ear on the silly remarks that was made or the fact you have a title higher above mine and you turn me into your bitch.

DIfference between a good leader and a typical kiss-up stuck -up bossy bits of crap : good leaders walk with confidence showing that they are ready to lead people to success, bossy bits walk as though their freaking balls might fall off with their face stuck up in the air,showing us the consequences of not looking down and tripping over a chair( i'm still waiting to see if it happens) i respect people and i give them a fair chance to play it their way but if they step all over chances well then i think its time for my say!

Some advice little bossy shrew next time trust your members to handle their duties well, not demand obedience and take their part away just because you want things to go your way and when you realise you cant cope with it all oh you realise only when everything starts to fall, dont blame others for not contributing enough, blame your damn ego for taking away all their stuff. Yes i had to bail the day before the event but my mother's health was where my time went, so never mistaken disloyalty with the words sorry i have a family emergency to attend to cause right now your face is very close to meeting my shoe :)

2009-12-03T00:57:00.000+08:00

Advice From THE WISE ONE

Need i say more :)

Jenny the tranny Loves her Granny

2009-11-30T23:00:00.000+08:00

Choices

Explain to me why there cant be a possible future? when you dont consider the facts of it all? Are you afraid that i wont wait or that you might forget my existence after a year? i understand your priorities, i wont demand for time or attention or calls or anything. I dont mind not having you for a whole year or if necessity you can go ahead and dissapear but i would still like your heart to remain still. If we can set aside passion for more important things in life and pick it back later when were older and much wiser, why wont you consider the idea that we can continue after November 2010? There is such things like pause buttons and resume, we would still be respecting their wishes and it wouldnt cause us misery.

If you want to ignore my presence physically or mentally for a year or two go ahead i dont ask for those times too but why does that have to be the reason for you to want to stop whats been started? I said lets put it away and wait for our lives to reach the stage of freedom for us to continue from where we left off.

So much for planning futures or having an idea or two, you just give it up at the end when the road gets too tough for me and you?Everything is a test remember what we said we could pull through. No harm in having an aim? like the goal for uni, i mean your working for something that your unsure if you can get through. So look at us as a postponed aim and ignore it for now too but you dont have to give up on our existence cause it makes us just as shallow as the people we used to despise too.

I respect their wishes and yours too but if you cant seem to see my logic to work things out for me and you than its awful to know we wasted a year of our lives thinking of possibilities to make our lives work out when we cant even make ammendments or change a little and adapt together for a new.

I can imagine your reaction, if you ever read this your going to be pissed off cause your back to thinking i just simply dont get you or them but in truth there is always a solution. If there is a will there is a way, sky maybe the limit but nothing is impossible to do.Its only a matter of if you really want it too.

I will let you ponder and heal or even forget it all if you want too but i hope that you consider possibilities not only with your logic but with a heart too. It took 15 years before two people could reunite, i wonder if you ever considered a year impossible?Hope and faith , includes prayers, heart and logic.

Many people can want you but there will be only one in your heart

2009-11-30T21:57:00.000+08:00

Hell-ish

I was having the week from hell,

It wasnt going so well (and then you came)
so you told me you needed space,
With a kiss on the side my face (not again)

And not to mention the tears, i shed
Maybe I should have kicked your ass instead
I need intervention
possible attention to stop this temptation to scream

Cause honestly baby

Everything thats fucked up went straight to my heart
Tell me what did you do, when it all fell apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz now it seems that I can't turn to you when it all falls apart

Don't know how i ended up at a bar
Don't know who my real friends are (anymore)

I put my faith in you
Guess that was a dumb thing to do
And not to mention (I drank too much)
I'm feeling hung over (and out of touch)

Can it be any easier?
Can I just change my life?

Cause it just seems to go bad everytime

Will I be mending?
another one ending once again

2009-11-29T20:20:00.002+08:00

Imperfectionist

"its not a goodbye.don't see it that way"

Your beloved email I read today

"Hey we have to be friends"

Is this really how our story ends?

Her confessions you may not seek,

Her burdens were never yours to keep

I remember telling a friend to walk away from the guy who broke her heart, he wasnt worth the tears for his stupidness wasnt her fault. Now i lie to myself, cause i cant seem to walk away from the guy who doesnt want me to stay. Or the time when i told a friend he shouldnt take things negatively cause not everything we touch in life fades away. But who am i kidding, I live on negativity- the ground i walk upon is probably cursed okay!

I say i'm okay with all the shitty things that happen around me but in my mind really, i feel disturbed by all the stupidness that walks on this earth. I can preach the glory of positivity and how we shouldnt take things to seriously or How life is too short for us to feel such anger & misery and i probably go home that day wondering why i didnt shoot myself in the head cause honestly i'm an equal mess.

Everyday i laugh and sing but really who am i kidding, i rather sit one side just to think of reasons why the world doesnt stink.

Laughter shouldnt be legal & I shouldnt need to defend

All the emo people really know how to live life till the end

So maybe I'm not the imperfectionist behind the lies

I really might have been the true devil in disguise

2009-11-27T23:36:00.003+08:00

There he goes

The story of an ice cream man who left with all the vanilla ice cream.

I met an ice cream man January 2009. First time i spoke to him, he sounded super hilarious. He gave me his number so i could call him if i needed more ice cream.He was a super weird fellow with a really good sense of humour. Well who was i to judge, i was equally weird and i had a desire for vanilla ice cream. At first i thought of hitting the ice cream man for fun to run away with all the ice cream but he said something that reminded me of what my daddy loved to say, "if i dont balance the amount of ice cream with proper food like vegetables, i was going to suffer" and he sounded like my daddy with his big frown and funny voice.

At first i thought he was really those other kinda ice cream man who would probably spit on your ice cream before they serve it to you.I mean all the other i ce cream man's i met was like that. real behind the scene action. Anyways after knowing the ice cream man for like 11 months close to a year i realise that the ice cream man was very imperfect but he had good taste in making vanilla ice cream.

The ice-cream man was a great friend. So full of crap, life and wisdom at times. Well sometimes he pisses me off cause he doesnt bother coming down to sell ice cream but when he does come down to sell, my tummy feels so happy to have the vanilla ice cream again.

But now the ice-cream man can never sell ice-cream to me again, cause the manufacturer of the ingredients banned all ice-cream sale. Guess i'm never going to see the ice- cream man again.

Will i ever get to eat ice-cream again?especially my vanilla flavour?

MY EXAMS ARE COMING!!!!!!!!!! Perfect timing! no more ice -cream for me fuck the vanilla i need some weed. And people wonder why someone should care about another person when the other person cant even bother to look after the other persons welfare.

Here comes the hell rider living with her own guide, BOY whatever happens i suggest you never go outside!

2009-11-26T22:40:00.000+08:00

STAY CHEERFUL SAY NOTHING!

When we tell the world our story,what do we gain? another laugh another tear anothe reason for them to hate us for another year? dont we ever get fed up of ranting our stories into someone's ear? Apparently not! well i dont anyway.

I say a word to keep me sane.Honestly with the rate of frustrations building in me, its healthy to let it all out.

I dont get anymore sleep, and its really fucking up my face. My brain is completely exhausted tryna think of ways to put my schedule in the right track. I have exams in a few weeks time but i have no fuckin brain power. I think people actually find that i am kinda dumb..Anyway... Somehow the little things we do in life dont really get seen. But the fucked up messed up part of it all gets plastered every where and i mean seriously everywhere.

How do we stay cheerful? faking a smile helps for awhile until you blow up and see some mother fuckin stars or drink your sorrows away kinda crap but that shit just ends you up with waking up the next morning with no pants.

2009-11-24T23:01:00.001+08:00

HELL RIDER

I've had a shit of a weekend yes a real f.y.i shit.

Loan sharks wow they arer the best man! throw paint at your house when your neighbours are the ones who owe the freaking cash! My fuckin door you assholes is pretty brown,that fuckin shit neighbour has a white freaking door! dude it looks like a blank canvas go fucking paint that damn door!shit didnt you go to school,did they ever teach you to paint on brown papaer!!! i hope you shit yourself to sleep.

SCHOOL IS ONE HELL OF A PLACE , you either wanna laugh at some dick's joke or cry in frustration cause noone listens. but hey HELL IS A PLACE CALLED HOME!!

I like waking up in the morning feeling breezy without pants, feeling super stoned caused its fun like whats on TV. Not remembering how you felt when everything's just shitty makes me smile inside cause i hate being the pity.

2009-11-21T22:56:00.000+08:00

JADED

I wanna wake up in the morning feeling better than P.diddy
If i really need to party you better get me high and shitty
i've got my blue jeans on like a drugged up hippy
Nothing to worry right now cause she's single and ready

Whatever happened to together forvever well that can wait for awhile

As my soulmate kinda thing well like you said we're still young and living
I need two death calls to remind me why i shouldnt be thinking
Well if i actually recalled it just created the crap on the path that we're walking
So listen up buddy i'm the hell rider that's gonna be singing

2009-10-31T23:52:00.001+08:00

Whats your STATUS ?

out of ten people 8 guesses that i'm attached
Out of the 8, 2 says i'm having more than one partner
Funny really 6 people think i'm happily hitched onto someone else's wagon

Lets clear a few doubtsy eh,

I'm not into girls,yes i aint lesbianto comprende?
No i'm not dating a girl right now, okay?
Me dating 3 guys for fun,sucker that aint the real deal
me having fun with all the merry bushes around me yes!partially true,who wouldnt wanna wash some eyes out i mean seriously thats human
No i aint slutting at Geylang red light distirct for the last time, not the whole of geylang is a pussy licking place! i mean seriously i gots the morals of a saint-ish
I'm not attached to anyone yes my fren from outer space, ms moon girl is not hooked onto anyones wagon,dat doesnt mean i want to ride your cowboy trailer.(if that even makes sense)
I drool for that oh so fabulous smiles and sometimes ass it depends, haha not the tight pants wussy
I have nothing against races seriously i aint racist
I aint a gold digger,i didnt know the dude was fucking old,i wasnt wearing specs you half-moron
Lastly i am super happy with my status,free and spirited me YAY ME !!! haha now stop tryna hitch me up okay

2009-10-28T23:09:00.001+08:00

Tea Cup My ASS

Yes schools starts and your back to OMG i need a life again, no its not that crappy just that everything else seems too fucking good to be true. Like A) i was looking froward to having a great semester 2 with much more improvements-study wise. than well tom dick and harry gets into the picture and screws it up cause after all my life revolves around the munchkins right?eldest what! responsibility of a saint! its not i that i hate them sheesh i love them till their little bony ass,just that i'm exhautes always trying to pick up crap after crap.

Oh and B) considdering that maybe my solution was to go overseas and continue my studies at TASMANIA (got accepted) but realise cost of life ther would probably make my parents crap themselves. And besides so far away from alll my haters here right?so why give them the ball of a time by letting them be happy.If i stay i get to make them alll miserable inside to see my face,I HOPE IT GIVES YOU HELL.

not forgetting C) to actually think people have it in them to change is impossible once a sissy tea cup always a sissy tea cup.Noone changes for yoouu, no matter how upset you are no matter how fucked up your being tortured,nobody changes for the better if it means they got to live life differently. SO once a sassy tea cup gets stuck up your ass,they aint never going to get out! ( you got to knnow who you are i mean seriously!)

2009-10-08T17:44:00.001+08:00

ZOOM ITS GOES

Alright driving a manual car is terrifying,i have issues with the damn breaks man.

First it was the clutch with the brakes and fish my engine dies!!! Like a mtf.

Why dont you just stick a nail on my tyres damn it.Its sucking my damn brains out and i've only gone for three damn lessons.

ONE actually on the real road itself can u believe that,ang mo kio's road will never be the same again.ENGINE LIKE A ROCKSTAR BRAKES REALLY SCREWS THE CAR.

SOMEONE TIE A FREAKING PARACHUTE BEHIND MY CAR SO I WONT END UP KILLING MYSELF THANKS TO Messed UP TAXI DRIVERS WHO DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE SHITTING HELL THE 'L' PLATE MEANS>>>>>learning you pisser!!!!

Cut in front of me thinking i wanna brake my freaking brains out onto the dashboard!!! If i need suicidal ways of destroying my brain cells i'll give a call alright.DAMN I got a nice pick from the comforts shitheads to the SMaRT bullbrains....

ISNT driving just ~~fabulously~~ fucked up ...................

2009-10-04T03:52:00.001+08:00

Sexy Latino!!

truth be told i miss you, truth be told i'm lying....

haha i love the way that latino can shake his ass.
"bring it on in it to win it" boy he shakes his booty like a fire drill ringing.ohoooo

then he sings to his mami like he wants her in his life, drive all the way to Malibu for his chicka.Just to see her.Boy and he walks on the beach with her eventhough he hates the sand on his new dancing shoes.Still he can shake it and bring her some romance.I like that latino ahhhhhhh,shake it :)

2009-09-28T16:59:00.001+08:00

Now ~~suppose~~ its shut down

You've just hit the last strike,your running out of chances.

ONE TWO & THREE I"M OUT. I tell you that i'm through cause honestly i cant stand the sight of everything i cant do. I build my wall way up high, sealed it shut with a metal door.Every battle i go through it still heals.Now break it down, i dont belong under your skin somehow after awhile noone wins.

Dont be worried,i'm still the same.I have a sense of whats wrong right. I just need you to wake up and smell the roses. Your duties isnt my burden,i will have mine.Their failure isnt mine for the fall,you let them off the hook but i'm the one you push six feet under.Its never to late.Love makes anything work,loyalty sticks it all in place for you, if i walk now what would you do?Well worry not i'm not a hellion ready to join the rebels.

Like you say : use intelligence against ignorance
By the way : The way you glare doesnt get me anywhere.

2009-09-27T23:04:00.001+08:00

Break the wall

Tell my mother ! tell my father ! i've done the best i can,
To make them realise this is my life i hope they understand!!
I'm not angry, i'm just saying sometimes silence isnt my bestfriend
This is the time for my second chance

Funny how you think i've lost my sense of what's wrong and right. Try to clamp me down with your sheets of never ending balances.I dont leave your four walls till i'm done for the day but by then its already 7pm and you know i cant roam my nights away.

I like giving back anyway i can.You like dark hair with simple looking haircut, professional wadrobe and heels to kill. You Probably fell off your horse with the dark look i tried on haha.The screaming music in my ear,every sound from your constant chatter disappear.This time you might be the one i blame for once my story turned into a funny game.I've got more buttons to push but hey for now the silence and submissive smile works nicely for me,what about you?

2009-09-26T21:12:00.001+08:00

Talk about lovely

You have a super smile.I fall for it a million times.Put me in a charm cause its obvious your the only one that doesnt end up getting harmed.

In a week i've seen white thrice. Thursdays wedding was simply gorgeous.Haiz its just a typical love story,fall in love but seperated cause of career than one sacrifice to be with another and together they live happily ever after.Started with a perfect kiss end suddenly everything's just a sweet bliss

Yes i've got a soft side for happy couples.Its just sweet.Two people who are potentially suited fo each other comes together finally after endless struggles.Hey who wouldnt want to watch that haha. I think its adorable how one can fall into a mindless state and try how ever much they can to be seen in anothers eyes.

Maybe i'm just living in my own cloud.but who says love cant be like fairytale stories.Its not the physical details of being a princess with a glass slipper , its the act of scarifice and trust.or the fact that in just a few minutes someone could turn ur life upside down.Is that hard to believe?not eveything in reality needs to be practical right?sometimes you've got to do it just for the hell of it.if you come out alive then by jolly your the survivor.

"call it love call it crush call it whatever you want it,cause no matter where i go i keep a picture of her in my wallet,take a look at my girlfriend" so sweet

2009-09-25T22:45:00.000+08:00

THE song spoke a thousand words

Remember all the things we wanted

Now all our memories they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high

It never would've worked out right

We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out

I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter

Where we take this road someone's gotta go

And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder

But I know that you'll find another

That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in

Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

2009-09-22T20:44:00.001+08:00

Who am i kidding?

~~i want to go help people in Laos~~ new found fear contricts
~~Pass driving before december~~ practical lessons only available in November
~~Have a proper job during holidays~~ cant even commit to one task without distractions
~~Spend time with friends~~ time seems to be spend on every other thing except that
~~Watch the latest~~ ~~movies~~ i cant find the website to watch movies anymore
~~Perform for TP rawks~~ missed trainings
~~Attend Malay Dance training~~ till i learn or grow a backbone to be independant
~~Mingle with the outside society~~ frustration with other crap causes lack of cheerful convos
~~Go for night walks with fren~~ restraint by night duties
~~Ensure that siblings stay focus on the right things~~ not serious enough
~~Be an example for parents creation~~ i'm still trying not to drop myself off a cliff
~~Pretend that shit doesnt happen~~ dream land doesnt stay very long
~~i'm not bottling up frustrations~~ i'm venting negative energy with silence

Hmmm seems i must to stop finding the excuses for things that dont work out . Plans set out for things should freaking fall into place not aim for substitutes. I need to suck it up and slap some shape into the damn situations thats out of control. i fell for the crime better deal with the time

2009-09-21T23:52:00.000+08:00

I have an AL-SHEP life

At times i'm thinking that i'm neither a full-pledge arab or a complete eurasian.So i feel like an outcast.Especially during hari raya.I mean everyone gets to visit two sides of the family while i have one.It makes me feel kinda abnormal in a way especially when i'm put nexxt to my relatives but after yeasterdays open house i realise i shoudlnt feel so abnormal but lucky.

I mean i get to experience the two different ways of life.

The upbringing,the style and cultures plays such an impact in each individual that it makes them form different types of characters but if u harmonise them together,they actually create a nice fun party.

It was beautiful to see them mix and mingle.and i realise i'm the master piece of the harmony between the two different races.Which made me feel different in a unique way.I get to live both as an arab and a eurasian.

It took the alsri's and the shepherdsons mixing to make me realise i didnt need to feel impure both ways but a start of a new creation.That doesnt make me less of an arab or less of a eurasian it just meant that i had more than one to handle.

2009-09-18T23:41:00.001+08:00

My lullaby when your voice cant be heard

Every night I rush to my bed

With hopes that maybe I'll get a chance to see you

When I close my eyes I'm going out of my head

Lost in a fairytale, can you hold my hands and be my guide?

Clouds filled with stars cover the skies

And I hope it rains, you're the perfect lullaby

What kinda dream is this?

You could be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare

Either way I don't wanna wake up from you

(Turn the lights on)

Sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare

Somebody pinch me, your love's too good to be true

(Turn the lights on)

My guilty pleasure, I ain't going no where

Baby long as you're here I'll be floating on air

'Cause you're my, sweet dream........
(Sweet Dreams- Beyonce)

Your away,haiz its weird in a way.i mean its just a day and i miss u already. The funny voice i hear before bed or the silly stories.Your like my lullaby before i close my eyes even if it plays for awhile.Few minutes or seconds it still lulls me to sleep.

2009-09-17T23:41:00.000+08:00

Running Out Of time

I wanted to tell you something so badly,but i couldnt. You deserve to know but am scared i'll cry. Through the phone you might not see but all my tears would be pouring down so swiftly.

You'd hear it in my voice,you always know my moods. Well i will tell you. I receive an email from Murdoch they said they have considered my application, first round passed now on to the board of directors.They will review my application in the first week of October while i'm in Laos.

I think we're running out of time, to wish my final goodbyes.Time is ticking to fast,the year is ending very soon.

Your going away for Raya to KL one weekend without your voice.I sure will miss you deary, Come on I'm in Love with a guy as hot as fire and to me a heart as pure as distilled water hehe.

After that its your exams i wish you my best.I pray for your strength and success :) We will be parted awhile cause you would be busy but you know i'm always by your side.In your heart tooooooo.

In october its me and laos for ten whole days gosh,i'll miss you crazy thinking about you in so many ways.

When i come back and if your results go well then i have a chance to see you at the library but if it doesnt happen, i guess we have our own lives to lead i understand.

I'm torn in side, kinda into many pieces.I miss you so much deary.

So this would be my endless love story,

for all this,you know i'll never stop loving mr hairy

2009-09-12T23:22:00.001+08:00

Awesome Party

Yes its soon to be my 18th wohooo. But i had an early birthday bash which was super awesome to me. Lots of people came especially my adorable classmates,I love eileen's photo masterpiece me likey.

Temptation to cry was like on level 80 ready.Haiz but i am not sissy-ish.And then after i found out daddy and mummy with the help of lil bro made me a video with all mmy family members wishing me happy birthday with a personal message.AWWWWWWWWWWW i cried finally in the car feeling super blessed.

Its so true "its nice to grow old together with your family and friends beside you" to know they care,touching man :( take a peek at the party,

Its Like Someone important is missing

he is always in my heart :)

Special THanks to Familia Alhamdullilah to be blessed with them

see the empty space in the picture on the right thats for him soon hehehe

2009-09-10T23:55:00.002+08:00

hello CRUELLA WEEK

I think for the week of my birthday, i'm going to be busy.

Monday,Wed & Friday i have malay dance.
Wednesday too i'm planning to go help business ambassadors with some event at 6pm.
Wednesday morning i'm going to apply for driving license WOHOOO.
today i STarted reading the manual lalalala.
Monday I have some Law inc Leadership event sheesh fasting some more
Not forgetting weekend i must finish baking my cookies
Friday working
Saturday hopefully restful dinner
Tuesday i going JB with mums
The rest of the week i'll be working how cool is that awesome eh

Haiz at least by busying myself i might forget the week existed, we always want things we cant have eh.i need to find amirah birthday present shucks.oh well

2009-09-09T00:28:00.000+08:00

Angry Horns

Yes its frustrating to see the one that you care
having talks with tons of girls out there
It makes you feel unworthy and small
Like somehow my presence doesnt matter at all

If your not happy to have me around
Dont bother looking for me when i'm down
It makes me think you worry
for all my tears and sad story

I get angry to know you dont see my tears
Everytime i mention all my annoying fears
Come on face it,you dont knw how much i hurt when that girl came into the picture
I try to forget her existence or your billion girls but somehow i cant forget either

To be honest i know your there for me
But relationships or friendships aint for free
There is always a price to pay
either you love them to keep them going all day

2009-09-05T11:49:00.000+08:00

without words
i want to hugg Ronan Keating his blue eyes staring at you while he sings,

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart

Without saying a word, you can light up the dark

Try as I may I could never explain

What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face let's me know that you need me

There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me

The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall

You say it best when you say nothing at all

2009-09-04T11:40:00.001+08:00

A STAR

I like shiny stars,a huge interest for its beauty,if i had eyes that glow like one damn i would look so awesome.hhaah well to me lah.

I read a lovely poem today..guess it was about a star too. A guy who wrote and compared the beauty of nature of his lady ahhhhh.I'm a hopeless sucker for lovey dovey stuff. I think cause i'm kinda deprived from affectionate words haha.damn i need to toughen up,i'm being such a sissy again.Like come on SHIF dont be such a b**** about it,why dont you throw yourself in a gay pool while your at it,haiz.

But its still a superb poem whether i'm gay or not.Like come on who wouldnt melt if a guy says, Your beauty shines as bright as a star with its moonlight. or Be my starlight glow that leaves only beauty wherever it goes.Haiz cheesy right but hey his poetry probably got the dude a chance to sleep with some hottie.

2009-09-02T02:41:00.000+08:00

SHE KNOWS NOTHING

I think Anaconda three is way cooler than the other snake shows,i know i'm so "updated" i mean the show is at least 5 years old or something haha.

~~Things to consider~~
Reality

to bake cookies isnt as easy as it looks
My parents are a blessing
i'm a confused child
think dancing needs to be forgotten
goodbye to red hair
my future seems like a complex image
i'm not ready to be tied down
law might not be my thing
needs to look more professional
time to grow up
driving license is scary
not looking forward to birthday

I can't sleep but i'm totally exhausted.High on some medication as usual. fasting month seems to be a peaceful month.i feel closer to the one that matters to me.At the end of the day i think i need a life.

2009-08-27T23:21:00.000+08:00

Winner Takes ALL

I take it that your happy with her,judging from your smiles while your holding to her tightly.Congratulations i'm glad your happy i really am.This is not jealousy okay dear friend.I mean i'm happy you finally found someone to spend time with.GOsh adorable really :) i'm so proud of you hehe.

Attention is a rather complicated word.I mean everyone wants it from someone else but are they willing to give it to another?

Meet shiza,happy girl with her beloved Rella.They had their fun before but now he is always on the phone busy with work tryna raise up money to marry her.Yet after awhile it seems like shiza felt dejected.She refuses to admit it hurts because he is doing it for her.Happy as always she just smiles while he leaves her standing in the middle of no where to answer a phone call.

Now Kamzi comes into the picture,after all kamzi was her old childhood friend. Kamzi sees Shiza standing all alone so he goes to her.He had a crush on her since forever but never had the guts to make her his.They start talking about good old times.She hasnt spoken to anyone like this for along time and feels happy.She laughs at his jokes and talks with excitement.

Here is the thing Rella comes back and think what the hell but keeps quiet about it.Now Kamzi is also a businessman like Rella but Kamzi always greets her with messages and speaks to Shiza more often than Rella.Shiza enjoys the attention but she missed hanging out with Rella.

Sad story but the ending was that Shiza didnt marry Kamzi or Rella because Rella never had time to make her exist and Kamzi was always there to support her but it was just as a friend he was afraid to try to be more than friends.SO she gave up on both and found a new one.DAMN

I cried after listening to this story,it was so beautiful.I'm such a sissy.It's real life situation sia,not some drama f**** why couldnt it be a movie or something? Then i learned something

A WINNER DIDNT NEED TO BE AN EXISTING OR NEW COMPETITOR TO TAKE AWAY THE PRIZE AT HAND,A WINNER WAS THE ONE WHO WANTED THE PRIZE EVEN MORE THAN THEM. haiz never take things for granted

2009-08-25T22:33:00.003+08:00

IN MY HEAD

For my Grandfather,

Lovely this year is my turn to write for your obituary page,wow three years since you've been gone.

I miss your laughter and your smiles and the funny way you fight with grandma all the time.I know she misses you something fierce.

you watched her grow up and helped her through, no matter the fights she always depended on you.I loved her story the one before you left, she told me that before you died you wanted her to be safe protected so you could rest well in your grave.What you told her was so beautiful,a man like you surely rarely exist.

I was thinking "shit what can i write for him,no words could describe you" and then i remembered her story about your love.

She always yelled at you and screamed like a shrew.Yet you supported her and gave her food and a home and family that you dearly loved too. How you sacrificed till your death bed your life for a woman of strength you called your wife. She never bothered with the i love you's instead she often threaten to kick you and nearly killed you twice hahaha parang gangster.She gambled so much of your wealth but you worried about her instead of your health.You stood by her and understood how her life before was troubled and yours was similar too,how you were happy to have met someone who could understand your fear.

The day before you died.That very night, you woke her up when you finally got up from bed,walked to your dresser and pulled out your wedding tux,In your pocket you kept a bundle of cash you had kept.She was so touched she never could explain how much she loved you and she never got a chance for the next day you felt it would hurt her less if you left when she wasnt next to you.Now every night she huggs your tux to sleep for in her eyes she always weeps for a man who always treated her right and brought his family joy through their days and nights.So grandfather this is my poem for you,i will publish it on the newspaper. they told me to keep it short and sweet by my meaning is there.

Do not stand on his grave to weep

For he is not there, he does not sleep

Do not stand on his grave and cry

For In our hearts he never died

A piece of you in all of us

Empowered by your love and trust

As a father, Grandfather & Husband you strived to be better

And if our love could have saved you, You would have lived forever

2009-08-24T21:29:00.002+08:00

Sweet Dreams With A Beautiful NIGHTMARE

Not average but nothing perfect,week long of mugging as always.But they say "ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHTSIDE OF LIFE lallalalalalala" haha,this is the same girl who sings emo songs in the bathroom and likes emo pictures and phrases.Major contradiction.I like dancing, freak it out with the reggae beats and sob away in an endless pool of sweet sorrows but i'm super cheerful i think? well whatever,i'm in my own world yay me!

CHEERFUL WHY? OMG OMG OMG Firstly i'm recovering wohoo.I SAY Bye bye sickness please just let me go,i cant spend my time with you no more.

Secondly,POM exams were fun to do,mummy i shall thank you a billions for thou do not know how fortunate i am,YOUR LECTURES ABOUT INTERNATIONAL MANAGEMENT came out yipee!! well other than that it was awesome.

THirdly shit!!!!!!!!!! i think i fucked econs i'm so dead the last two questions left carries alot of marks and i decide to be a genious.THANKS i fell ill in the middle of my paper :( i couldnt do it argh!! freaking pussy** okay screw it i'll get a C or D blessing to pass shucks.

Fourthly, AMazing simply amazing a simple statement never sounded so sexy in my entire life, repeat scenario :

Hotstuff:Imagine me in front of you

I say unknowingly : But i'm on my bed,kinda wrong image

Hotterstuff: Okay fine,I'm standing infront of on my knees asking you WILL YOU BE MINE?
I say stupidly: YEa lah of course if that happens i will say YES YES YES

Hotteststuff:Well its for real be mine

I say in the most shocked/happy/amazed/in tears voice : OMG ARe you serious?SHit are you serious? omg your serious?

hot:Yea i am.so whats it gonna be?

I scream : OMG YES OF COURSE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !! YES YES YES..ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm on cloud 9 ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

2009-08-22T23:44:00.000+08:00

Sometimes.......

I try to understand why you find it difficult to have faith in our future.

I try on your shoes to figure out what's scary about falling in love at a tender age.

I try to make logic to why we cant be more than just friends.

I try to push away the fact your still interested in talking to so many girls.

I try to figure out why i trust you so much.

I think about you being happier with someone else.

I find that we fight too much because of different views in life

I see us having a great potential future.

I get angry when you dont seem to put yourself in my shoes

I miss your smiles and our funny days

I get hurt if you wont sacrifice some time to show me i exist

I scream under the pillow when you tell me your pressured and we cant exist

I cry when you get angry with all the pressure for my existence

I laugh at your adorable humour that brightens my day

I jump around in excitement to see you online or your call on my phone

I feel safe and secured inside hearing your voice or seeing your face.

I ache inside to think that we might not make it all the way

But IT'S EVERYTIME

THAT I LOVE YOU AND KNOW PURITY IN YOUR HEART EXIST :)

2009-08-19T23:58:00.001+08:00

There's only 1 thing 2 say 3 words 4 you

Throat like fire,really i think its severely burnt or suffered from a burn.Damn if i could drop some ice down it,it would be a blessing.

If i wrote a song for you

Would you let me sing to you?

Even if i sound real bad

Would you tell me you were glad?

If i wrote cheesy poems and recited it to you infront of the world

Would you laugh with the crowd and jeer along pretending i wasnt your girl?

Even if another helped me move away from the ungrateful crowd

Would you let him take me without screaming your true feelings out loud?

And if i left you a note sealed with a kiss on your desk,

Would you tell your friends i was such a mess?

Even if the note told you i was leaving today

Would you turn around and tell me to stay?

For sacrifice is a big word,i'm willing to admit,till this very moment i'm still unsure of what i can give.I mean I have given my heart,soul and time but am i ready to give you a life?I didnt mean some child sacrifice thing,i'm not sadistic!

I meant my complete self to you?to the extent where noone could take my presence away from you.

Okay maybe its a little too literature-ish and too soon to tell but if i'm really going by the start of next year, how could i protect you from the biggest fear?the one where i walk away,and your left alone.I couldnt protect your heart from feeling that way.

It takes trust to build a stronger bond,it takes time for one to be strong.How do i tell you everything is going to be okay?when i myself dont believe in what i say.I know we're going to worry,who wouldnt?but i fear what you fear too.Somehow that fear revolves around the idea of one loosing the other.

Theres only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you,i Love you

and i think its the only words we have to hold on to,

for love is a word so strong.

trusting the meaning behind it,

It will help us get along :)

2009-08-18T19:29:00.005+08:00

Strangled Between Confusion

My days seem to be floating by so easily,one minute i'm having a laugh the next i'm back to serious studying and after trying to refrain myself from falling ill.Which i am prettty sure i am but it doesnt play importance.As long as i fight it off or shake it off.

Yes i do notice the irritance in my throat or the fact i sleep very often because i'm severely whiped out or the fact i seem to look like i'm mourning my own death of my cheerfulness.

I wake up early morning to see my corpse face staring at the mirror,thankfully everyone else seems to sleep through it and i keep myself out so i could pretend i was doing okay,thankfully it works! I do feel alive when i'm out mugging.

Now twice i've woken up early from my very minimum sleep just to send them to the docter,apparently i'm like familiar with the receptionist who keeps staring at me.I think she thinks either their my children or i seem to like visiting the docter.haha now thats a funny thought.

Okay i'm shacked but its just two weeks more,real world vs the rest YOU CAN DO IT SHIFI.Lack of self-motivation haiz.Things seem to fall apart nearing exams oh well thats life i guess.Well i most prob am screwed for POM yes POM screw YOU!ARGH!!!! ruin my life,blardy F**** CHIT needs to be hanged on a rope.WEll whatever.

Countdown to fasting month YES AH!!! excited,i'm gonna learn how to bake cookies and finally spend time with family,which btw i have to work too yipee yay ya right!

Birthday coming oh jolly! driving license,i think thats my only excitement oh and photoshoot with Lisah haha, for once i'll be pampered haiz i'd like for some of that.

Australia, Australia you might be coming sooner
Am i ready to leave and become a loner?
But future will always comes first
I know i'll feel sacrificed for education's never ending thirst!

2009-08-17T22:29:00.001+08:00

The world was our own Painting

Love would be our background
You would be the artist
I would be your paintbrush
Fill my life with colors
I'll bring you abstract
I might be your sketches
But you would be the idea
We could work together
Create the masterpiece of life
Till the end of time,our story of a painter

I dont need your life to make mine complete but i could sure as hell have you around.We dont need each other to exist but it helps us create existence.I like the idea of walking down a pathway into a destination that includes you.Its not a certain ending but i'd like to end up there.It should show you little bugger that i really do care.I mean we might be in our own little paths thats gonna seperate us two but at the end of the day i stand at the edge of the path and i know i'll see you.

2009-08-14T19:43:00.004+08:00

There It is again (forgive the english usage,i'm in frustration mode)

I'm officially in the mode where you know what fuck PRinciples of Management,its such a pain in the ass to keep looking at a teacher who only cares about one student which is her favourite.

I mean its really unfair how you judge the rest when they are trying and your not giving a rats ass right.

Education environment should be one where students should not need to feel fed up of learning because of a teachers lack of judgement into ones character.

Yes we are all human beings,there will be times when your just to fed up with a person and your not sure why but the sight of that person burns a hole in your stomach.

Well to hell with what you think because i hope you know you failed as a teacher to motivate or teach your student.

So much for management and leading a company,you can remember every word about motivating a bunch of employees but you cant even remember the duties of your own career.

Yes i might be mean but you put my grades on the line and you expect me to just sit around and depress myself.To shit with you lah.

I worked my ass off for a project which you guided me through and at the end of the day i was told i was off track?

where is the sense in that?unless you forgot i'm using your guidance to build the project so technically you failed your own techniques.

how am i to trust your judgement at this point?
how am i to feel secure of my grade without questioning your marking?
that is why i'm finding a second opinion.

i'm not snobbish.
i think we deserve not the highest marks but i sure as hell know we deserve better.
Like hello referring the situation back to the question does not make us off track you little narrow-minded chit.

Its a world where we look at two ways.A business propoasal is what you required and a business proposal is what we gave.

I mean if you wanted a second copy of the texbook with some words modified and change of names,sure i can do that too.
Damn A monkey could have done that for you too,so what makes them super awesome little faggot

ALL YOU NEEDED TO DO WAS INDIRECTLY TELL US IF YOU DIDNT WANT TO LOOK SIMPLE-MINDED THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

2009-08-12T20:20:00.000+08:00

It comes down to

I'm counting down for the moment where you finally tell me the truth, now i hope you know i can see right through you and i'm really wondering when your actually going to find the right words to tell me exactly whats going through your mind cause honestly its definitely not an image of a beautiful sunshine.I'm not that dumb i hope you know,i've faced it once or twice and i think by now you should know,that i follow instincts most of the time and i wont give up till its finally proven right unless its wrong well thats different. Whether you have the balls to tell it to my face is a different story but i just want to hear the truth from you,for goodness sake what in the world do you think i'll do?hit you in the forehead and say fuck you? Come on i see your face,i think i might know what you feel so why would you hold back?

I might be frustrated about so many things but it doesnt mean i'm the human thats going to burst it out on you.

2009-08-11T00:54:00.002+08:00

Good times

If there is good there should be bad right?
If there is balance then i think we can make it fine right?
Am i at fault to think we might fall to one side and end up miserable?
Am i the one that makes mistakes and screws up the rest of us?
Should i deserve what has been given to me and shut the hell up?
Should i take to heart is was my stupidity that messes everything up?

I'm frustrated how the report ended up crap,i'm pretty sure i was angry when she told me i was the one who fucked up.I might have been a little sad cause when i needed to let things out,i was stood up and if i'm not mistaken i think i became bitchy because i couldnt let all the negative feeling out.I'm dealing with everything but i dont seem to have it in me to set things straight or make things better.I think i feel defeated in a way because everything seems to be moving the complete opposite direction from the one i've been hoping for all day.Actually i think its better that i stop depending on others and work things out my way and at my pace .it seems like my frustrations doesnt seem to have a say.In their life,in her life,in his life,in my own life or in others for that matter i seem to just listen and follow,am i that submissive?Is this suppose to be my only definition of a good time?to make decisions or options based on what others think would be the best for the situation?Have i lost that sense of independence.Somewhere along the line i think i might have dropped the courage to make things work for both parties instead of always allowing it to go according by what someone else says.I might need the time to work it out once again,i guess without fear i wouldnt have learned from the pain.

2009-08-07T00:15:00.001+08:00

WOuld You Know

Have you ever had a thing for somebody
And it was just so deep
And you wanted to tell him so bad
But you just couldn't find the words?

I gotta thing for you baby you know
i Don't mind taking it slow
I wanna get to know you
Don't wanna play no games, listen to what Im sayin
cause I've really got this thing for you

i hope you know

Damn you got me feeling wide open
And I know you probably be sayin that this girl must be joking
Cause the boys in tha past,
taught me that love and them just couldn't last
But for some reason I think u been chosen
(it's like heaven sent you,dont walk away)

Just hold me tightly up in you arms
And tell me (everyday)

That you aint never going to leave me heartbroke
Promise to give a good long stroke
Boy this is for real i swear it's no joke
Thought I was dreaming but I know i awoke
What you've done got me so gone
Feels so right that i know this cant be wrong
Hanging up after calls and got me calling right back to your phone
Cause to be honest I go soft inside when I hear your voice tone...

And you know...
I cant wait to see your face again
And you know...
Im hopin we can work this thing out
Everytime that Im alone
I'm thinking about us and where we could be
Thats how I know I've got a thing
For you baby, yeah you its real love coming from me

The way you love me,
The way you touch me
You've really got to know
i've got this thing for you baby
and i hope you wont go

2009-08-06T22:11:00.001+08:00

Would it be fair?

I'm walking down the street and i see this little girl.I say hello but she stares at the puddle of water.I stood next to her and asked what she was looking at? She says "i want my mummy to come back from the water"so i was like okay is she floating or something???? Apparently no,her maid was near by so i asked her maid whats the deal?

She was only 9,her mum divorced and left the child to the fathers hand. She was only six hello six when this happened!!!! the mum couldnt handle the kid anymore,by the way the are like 28 and 30 year old couple(not young teens shot-gun marriage)mum felt that father was to controlling of her life,child was demanding too much..so the mother filled the little girl's head with the idea that she was leaving them to live near the water,she couldnt take the land life. so the little girl watched as her mother who btw left by boat to blardyville who knws where while the little girl watch.at that age like hello she so would believe that water excuse..

Trauma much :( the poor innocent girl felt abandoned.Staring at puddles or water?is that fair to an innocent child??what has this world become i mean she is practically a baby?vulnerable and all alone like that,i tear everytime her face came to mind.

Little young hearts fall in love,get married blessed with a child and one runs from the other so they abandon the child. If your not able to deal with another human being,to raise your own flesh and blood,why do you exist?If you say your stress,why do you still live?why do you give up and go when it gets tough?A coward wont make it far in life,you just proved to your ownself what kind of human you really are!a simple coward,she deserves not to have a mother to teach her to run but deal with the problems at hand.That litle girl might be suffering but it will make her stronger than a coward!I mean it was so disturbing.The little girl's face,her sadness in her voice.to trust someone with her life and get abandoned that feeling is just so unexplainable.The idea of being abandoned by the one who gave you a chance to live in this world,my gosh and it was her own mother can you imagine if it was a friend?but i think sometimes a friend can be trusted more than family it depends on certain cases.

After all this i just questioned myself about trust,i dont want to end up broken inside :(

2009-08-03T21:28:00.005+08:00

When your caught in the rain

the world knows your story,yet your alone
When you hope for a little light,it get dampens by the rain
How you hold on to the words from your dearly loved one,but feelings didnt change
Where your standing is sinking,but noone gives you help

What the hell do you do now?your screaming so loudly but noone hears the sound
Everyday time keeps moving faster,i'm rushing for time but it doesnt get any easier.Now i'm standing five foot under the water wondering if its going to be any harder,to go against the pressure well thats messed up when u've got no help.Really who am i to blame?I made my own mistake. To cry would not make things heal,after all it's just your own fault, now that lingering regret is all that is left to feel.

Can i explain to you all the things i've been put through
Whats in your head? you ask
Honestly could you ever mean what you say?
You left her down,tired and almost dead

2009-08-02T11:37:00.000+08:00

WHat's Innocent TO YOU!!

I see the way you look at me
wondering if there was purity....

the week starts and it moves along...
We fought and had our share of frustrations and cleared the air.In time they say things get better,thats all i really need.

In just a short span of about a month ,
i've been given cold shoulder's,constant rolling eyes,dagger looks,silent curses,degrading of morals on online webpages which by the way is seen by the world(use to anyway), said to be a bitch,hated for heartless attitude & the never ending lists goes on, oh well thats life they say: they either kill you or mess you up.

Then someone asks me,why dont you defend yourself? I stared,flashback moment: " like silently someone punches the living lights out of me by suddenly accusing me of all the hurtful things i rather not share,well what the hell did u think i did?defend my ass all the way to mount fuji! it didnt change people's opinion,it didnt make things better,sure as hell made it more fucked up. And this wise lil birdy told me,

why do you need to defend words that were never true?
why do you need to prove innocence to the ones around you
Do you need their approval to carry on with life's journey

Well obviously not so i took a promise to heart,when i left to start a new,all this memories needed to depart.Start fresh and something new but ouch!i've got slapped in with a huge wave. It seems like the more you avoid the harder it attacks, and when you mean honesty they mean another bitchy fag.
Is it difficult to believe in the genuine things people say or do?Has this world become so paranoid to the extent nobody will ever trust you or anyone else for that matter?If you think about it in a bigger picture,if this is just studies and they've already bastard you what happens to our future?Will there be the existence of diplomacy and sincerity?

2009-08-01T00:05:00.000+08:00

Mad

he's starin' at me
I'm sitting wondering what's he thinking
Nobody's talking, cause talking just turns into screaming
And now it's I'm yelling over him, he is yelling over me
All that, that means is neither of us listening
And what's even worse
We don't even remember why we're fighting
So both of us are mad for...

Nothing, (fighting for)
Nothing, (crying for)
Nothing, whoa
But we won't let it go for
Nothing, (no, not for)

No I don't want to go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no, no...

And it gets me upset, boy when you're constantly accusing
Asking questions like you already know...
Been fighting this war
Baby when both of us are losing
This aint the way love is suppose to go
What evern happen to working it out?
We've falling into this place
Where you ain't backing down
And I ain't backing down
So what the hell do we do now?
It's all for...

Nothing, (fighting for)
Nothing, (crying for)
Nothing, whoa
But we won't let it go for
Nothing, (no, not for)
Nothing, this should be
Nothing to a love like we got

Oh baby, I know sometimes it's gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Boy I don't want to go to bed mad at you
And I dont want you to go to bed mad at me

Oh baby this love ain't going perfect
And just how good it's going to be
We can fuse it, we can fight
As long as everything is all right between us
Before we go to sleep
Baby we're going to be...

Nothing, (fighting for)
Nothing, (crying for)
Nothing, whoa